Mondays.

Today started off just like any other Monday.  The one day Mason sleeps in,  so no time for a leisurely breakfast before gym class.  Just time for coffee or orange juice and a bagel.  Now time to sit on the potty before we get into our clothes and head out the door.  Mason, shockingly told me he had to pee so I was hopeful sitting him on the potty this time.  While waiting I noticed that his band-aids on his knee were looking kinda grungy so probably needed to come off.  Rip!  The scrape was healing but Mason wanted new band-aids.   This is when things took a turn.

Picking out the right band-aids, McQueen, Sally and Mater, I put them on and suddenly Mason started to cry and freak out.  He reached for me and said he wanted of the potty.  I picked him up and then he all of a sudden went limp on me.  I tried to get him to stand up all the while asking him what was wrong.  No response.  I looked down at him and his eyes were wide but had an "out of it" look to them and his lips were devoid of all color.  

"Mason!  Mason!"  I shouted.  Nothing.

My freak out begins.  Fear taking over, my first thought is he is having some kind of seizure.  Then I panic because I don't know what to do in this situation.  

"Mason!"  Finally he responds.  Looking at me, then acting as if he is going to throw up.  Still a bit lethargic I try to hold him over the toilet.  Then he goes limp again. 

"Mason!  Are you ok?  You're scaring me.  Mason!  Do you need to throw up?  Mason!"

I begin to cry.  

He responds, "I'm fine.  I'm fine."  But I don't believe him.

He is so lethargic and acting like he is going to throw up again.  I call Fred in a panic, crying.  He tells me to take him to the hospital, because me being 7 months pregnant my mind is already not functioning at full capacity; but faced with my baby boy having trauma I am suddenly as dumb as a door nail.  All common sense and rationality out the window.  My mind is blank, yet a million things are running through it at the same time all jumbled in a frantic mess.  

I run into the family room and lay Mason down on the couch to get some clothes on him.  This is when I notice his lips are turning blue.  OH SHIT, he can't breathe!!!  My baby boy can't breathe!!!  Please God NO!!!  Grasping at straws I ask him, "Mason can you breathe?"  He looks at me and takes a small breathe in.  A sigh of relief and quickly get him dressed and run out the door.  No coats, no shoes.  Just the diaper bag, throw him in the car seat, buckle us in and race down the driveway. 

Now of course in all Mason fashion he starts to act fine.  Talking cohesively to me about wanting to go to gym class and pointing out the mini loaders and other construction machines on the road.  We arrive at the ER, carrying all his 32lbs. with my overly expanding belly and extra poundage and best I can, and notice his lips are now rosy.  Of course as soon as we get to the hospital he fine.  But I check him in anyway just to make sure.  

Once the doctor saw him, he said he thinks he heard a heart murmur and is ordering a EKG just in case and also going to contact a pediatric neurologist and cardiologist.  He says there are a lot of things that could have caused his episode and wants to rule out the more dangerous ones. It might have been a seizure, or some abnormality with his heart, or simply that he just freaked out and then passed out because of it.  I was trying so hard to pay attention to everything he was saying.   Thank god Fred showed up at this point.  He asked all the questions and heard it all too.  

Mason was trouper during the EKG, laying still and being so brave.  The nurse gave him a bunny rabbit as a prize for being so good.  The results came back fine.  Phew!  No fever, blood pressure fine and muscle reaction normal.  But just in case he wanted us to see the neurologist and cardiologist as soon as possible anyway.   We are all hoping this was just a one time episode and nothing is seriously wrong.  Seeing as how Mason was jumping on the bed, laughing and playing catch with the bunny at this point; we all have reason to believe that this was not serious and probably won't happen again.  We are seeing the cardiologist on Wednesday morning and waiting to get in touch with the Neurologist for an appointment sometime tomorrow.  

In the meantime, we need to monitor Mason and if he has another episode to bring him back to the ER.  So far he is normal.  Playing with his trains and watching Max and Ruby.  Asking me all kinds of questions over and over and begging for more orange juice.  

As for me, my heart rate has slowed.  My panic mode has been shut off and I am in desperate need of another cup of coffee and a good nap.  I'm exhausted from all this emotional turmoil and just want to fall in a heap on the floor and cry my eyes out.  Terrified for my little boy but at the same time reassuring myself that nothing is wrong and he is fine.  Nervous that something will go wrong with this baby or myself if I don't try to relax and get some rest.  I know this sounds really crazy but I kind of feel that in order to have Mason I had to lose Zeke and now I fear that in order to have Sophie I will have to lose Mason.  That is crazy right?

Maybe my neuroses will go away once she is born and I'm feeling more "myself."  But I doubt it.