Well I won't be winning Mother of the Year

Waking up with a migraine the size of an asteroid field, I knew today was not going to be on the top of my list. However, I never thought I would feel as if I was living a page out of the children's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Today I am Alexander.

When I crawled back into bed at 5:30am it was just a minor headache brewing. By 8:30am when I decided it was probably time I get out of bed it was a full blown migraine and I wanted to throw up. Upon dragging myself downstairs I see that Mason had dumped the entire jumbo carton of Goldfish onto the floor in the family room. Great. Now I had to get out the vacuum and make the already unbearable pain in my head even worse. Trying to get a cup of coffee made, Sophie starts her ear piercing scream and I detour to make her a bottle. Once fed, I finally get my cup of joe, take two Excedrin Migraine and make another cup. Later the door bell rings. It is the mail man handing me my mail and scolding me for parking my car on the curb in front of my house, because heaven forbid he get his lazy ass out of the truck to walk two steps to put my mail in the box. Sophie starts her screaming, AGAIN. I am trying everything to calm her down. Finally I do and sit in front of my computer to read an article. Mason walks up, hand over mouth and says, "I'm not doing anything." To which I know he has done something he shouldn't have. "What did you eat?" I ask. "Nothing." I look and see nothing in his mouth. Satisfied I go back to my computer screen. Then I hear him say, "There is bug spray in my mouth." Sirens go off in my head. WHAT!? BUG SPRAY IN YOUR MOUTH? I immediately jump up, baby in arms, and run to where I know the Target bag is sitting from our trip the other day to buy none other than, bug spray. It isn't there. THE DINNING ROOM. Mason's favorite hiding spot is under the chairs. Rounding the corner I see the bag, empty. SHIT. I see the bug spray peeking out from under the chair, quickly grab it and see that it has been opened. SHIT. SHIT. I run, put Sophie on the floor and find Mason. "DID YOU SPRAY THIS IN YOUR MOUTH?" Nothing. Louder: "DID YOU SPRAY THIS IN YOUR MOUTH!!??" I Don't remember if he answered. I just know I made a mad dash for the phone and the poison control number.

Dial.

Ring, ring.

Hello this is poison control...

Oh my god, I don't know if he did but my son just told me sprayed bug spray in his mouth.

Ma'am. How old is your son?

Almost three.

What is the name of the bug spray?

Bull Frog Mosquito Coast.

Is your son complaining about his mouth?

Mason, does your mouth feel feel funny?

Yeah, it does.

It does?

I hear him ma'am. *reading the ingredients of the spray* He probably doesn't like the taste. Your son will be fine. Just give him some juice and try to calm him down. And calm down your daughter. *Sophie is screaming, once again, in the background.* My name is Lori, if you have any questions feel free to call back and ask for me.

Thank you.

Click.

Hang up.

THANK YOU GOD! I keep repeating this to myself over and over. Go to the pantry to get some juice for Mason. Pick up Sophie and try to console her, once again. Then turn to Mason and tell him to "NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Then promptly move the bug spray and anything else I think he might try to swallow to the top cabinet on the highest shelf possible. The reality of the situation finally sinking in, I sit myself down on the Time Out chair and cry. Big Huge tears. Mason walks up to me, very concerned, gives me a hug and says, "I love you so much." Holding him tight and not wanting to let go, I look at Sophie, now quite and think to myself, "Well, I won't be winning Mother of the Year." But then again, I knew that before today.