How To Have An Allergy Safe Easter

Easter is only two weeks away. This should be a fun and exciting time, it means Spring has finally arrived and warmer days are here. It means more time spent outside and less indoors on tablets. Most of all though, it means the Easter Bunny will bring you lots of candy and treats.

While most families relish in the idea of trying to find the biggest chocolate bunny to put in their kids baskets or jellybeans and various shaped chocolates to hide in colorful plastic eggs around the yard, those of us dealing with food allergies find ourselves staving off anxiety and stress. I can't tell you how many times I have passed the "holiday" aisle while doing my everyday grocery shopping and either wanted to bawl my eyes out or go all ninja on the displays in a fit of anger. I struggle with wanting to give my kids all the traditional holiday experiences while at the same time knowing with these new limits they are no longer consuming so much junk. And that's a good thing. It's a constant battle. Traditions that were once safe are now potentially life threatening, and while I may feel that a part of their childhood, especially my daughter since she is the one who suffers from food allergies, is being ripped away from them, I try to remember that they don't know about these "traditions" that I am holding onto and therefore are not missing out.

Not that Easter was ever a big event in my childhood anyway. Of course, I have memories of sitting in the kitchen, an overpowering smell of vinegar filling my nostrils as we dyed our hard boiled eggs. I've seen the pictures, basket in one hand and holding up the egg I just found in the other. I can even remember how I would slowly savor each bite of chocolate from my bunny before returning what was left to the fridge for later. As we got older, my dad would leave bags of jellybeans and a card before he left for work. I would separate them by color and eat them in order of my least favorite flavor to the best. I would hoard the black licorice ones which was fine because no one else seems to like them but me.

Sure, we have dabbled with traditions in the past. The kids and I dyed eggs. It was messy, the kids got bored, and no one wanted to consume that many hard boiled eggs when it was all over. Lesson learned, I got over it, and we've stuck to plastic eggs ever since. If I am being truly honest with myself I will admit that my kids don't even remember it being any other way then how we do it now. So what's my point you may ask?  That I shouldn't be focusing on what traditions my daughter can't have because of her food allergies, but instead embrace the new ways in which we celebrate these holidays.

I did find a new brand (Gimbal's) of completely peanut and tree nut free jellybeans (yay!) and plan to pick up a bag at my local Walmart sometime this week. If you aren't a food allergy parent, you can't imagine the complete excitement we feel upon finding a new food to add to our "safe" list. I can only describe it as euphoric when I find just one item that is traditional to a holiday, like candy canes for Christmas, that is completely safe for Sophie.

Other than the jellybeans, all the other items in my kids baskets will be non-food related and that's OK. I have gathered fifteen ideas that I have either used in the past, or plan to do this year to fill their Easter eggs as well as a few items to put in the basket itself.  If you are new to food allergies and have no idea where to start, or you just don't want your kids consuming any more sugar for yet one more holiday, this list is for you. So here we go! Fifteen ideas for you to stuff into those pastel plastic eggs.

1. I am insane over little tiny figurines. Really, I tend to gravitate towards anything mini and they are just perfect for filling those plastic Easter eggs. Find something that your children like to collect. My kids used to collect the tops to commercial hangers that stated the size of the clothing. They called them tick tocks, I have no idea why, but something like that would be perfect. Some more ideas would be: mini lego men (the one pictured below is from World of Warcraft, a video game my son loves to play, and they happened to make lego sets based off this game),  My Little Pony mini series, Minecraft or Hello Kitty blind bag figures, mini animals, etc. You get the point.

2. Little notes. You can handwrite a little note of "I love you" or "Happy Easter" to your child, or you could stamp an image like I did with the dog and cat. You could even write a small message and fold it up. Whatever you desire, as long as it is heartfelt and cute. 

3. Small toys. This can be just about anything. A few ideas are: spin tops, silly putty, key chains, punch balloons (these area favorite in our house), matchbox cars, play dough, and mini bubbles. Other ideas, pictured below, can be: bouncy balls, stickers, tattoos, erasers (novelty erasers are such a hit with kids these days and they are functional too), and pom poms (which we call warm fuzzes thanks to their Kindergarten teacher. She hands these out each Friday with a hug before they get on the bus. Mason loved collecting them and now so does Sophie).

4. Money. You can never go wrong putting money in an Easter egg. Whether it be a few quarters or a folded up dollar bill this one is sure to be a hit!

5. Small game cartridges. If your child has a LeapPad from Leap Frog the game cartridges fit perfectly in the plastic eggs.

6. Movie tickets. You can get cheap prepaid movie tickets at Costco and use them to take your kids out to see the latest Disney film, or let your kids use them to go by themselves with a group of friends.

7. Jewlery and hair accessories. My daughter can't get enough of these cute hair clips and pony tail holders. She also loves the novelty rings you can find in the dollar bins at Target. If you have an AC Moore they sell these adorable rings like the one pictured below that would be perfect for an older girl or teen to add a little bling. Necklaces like the Sophia the First pictured below work perfect. Even the mardi gras type beads work, just throw a few various colors into one egg and voila! Jelly bracelets or those silicone bracelets that are popular nowadays fit very well in here as well. Better yet, dump a package of rainbow loom rubber bands into one or make a bracelet on the loom and put that in. I could go on for days giving you examples for this category.

8. Nail polish or lip gloss goes over real well with any girl. Opi is my go to brand, but we have also used Bon Bons and Tweets. For little ones you will want to go the non-toxic route. For those you can use Hopscotch Kids, Piggy Paint, Play Laugh Love, or Crayola mini which comes 8 in a set.

9. Washi tape is all the rage right now. Even I am obsessed with the stuff. It comes in various colors, sizes, themes for you to decorate just about anything. If you have a Monster High fan you can get a set of 30 decorative tapes they call tapefetti for only about $13. They come in their own mini holders. Aren't they totes adorbs?

10. Ribbon bookmarks. If you have a child who loves to read, I recommend making or purchasing a few of these to put in their eggs. (I apologize for the photo quality, these were hastily taken with my phone.)

11. Confetti! Simple and easy to make. I just punched out a bunch of various shapes such as hearts, circles, stars, etc. from colored paper and filled a bunch of eggs with it. My kids had so much fun opening each egg, wondering if would be a small toy or full of confetti.

12. A pair of Earbuds would be great too. Not just for everyday use but for your little athlete as well. Yurbuds are my go to brand.

13. Shoelaces. My son goes through shoelaces like crazy. I don't know what he does but he manages to tear them to shreds on a regular basis. If your kid is like mine this may be a good choice. You can get all kinds of shoelaces, such as: camoflauge, glow in the dark, Pete the Cat, or to show support for your favorite cause. Buy one in every color in you want. They can change to match their mood, clothes, or shoes.

14. Stamps. For those crafty kids, getting stamps will make them smile. You can choose between the foam version, the wooden block, or the clear acrylic. A good place to start would be Michaels or AC Moore. They usually have some kid themed ones in their clearance section.

15. Lastly, we have infinity scarves. These are also all the rage right now, especially with teens. You can make one by cutting up an old t-shirt or just buy one at the store, scrunch it up, and shove it in the egg.

As for filling up my kids baskets, I like to give them one kinda big gift each year. This year Mason will be getting a joke book for kids and Sophie will get a new pair of headphones. If you would like to go this route as well, I recommend thinking of things your kids like to do the most. A new Skylanders character would be great for your video game enthusiast. To go along with the bookmark for your book worm or emerging reader, give them a book in their favorite series or one you think they might enjoy. A new purse or a rainbow loom would be good choices for girls. I would even consider a DVD of their latest movie obsession or TV show.

Included in the basket along with these big ticket items I like to sprinkle in a few smaller ones, maybe some educational and maybe something personal. These items could be any of the following that are just as fabulous as any chocolate bunny, and last a lot longer.

I like to make my kids personal certificates for things. For example, I made a certificate for my son that entailed him to 3 hours of uninterrupted Wizard 101 playtime with me. He loved it! You could make ones for the following:  staying up 20 minutes passed bedtime, kids choice for dinner,  get out of chores for a day, one download from iTunes or Google Play store for an app they want but limit the dollar amount, a day out with mom/dad doing whatever they want, dessert or candy pass, extra time on tablet/computer/video game play, movie night, trip to the dollar store, bake cookies/cupcakes or make homemade ice cream and the enjoy a sampling, etc. You can get real creative with these.

My kids love to help me bake in the kitchen. If you have a fellow baker you can purchase some baking tools designed just for kids. Curious Chef is a brand I see all the time at our local Wegmans, or you can just mix and match on your own and make it a "theme" basket. In it I would include an apron, mixing and measuring spoons, spatulas and whisks, cupcake liners, sprinkles, a box of safe mix or a recipe card, and oven mits. Place into a pastel colored mixing bowl and be sure to fill with Easter grass to make it complete.

Those EOS lip balms are already shaped like eggs so they are perfect for Easter. Hint: they even sell mini ones that you could use to fill the eggs as well. If your kids love little stuffed animals like mine, those TY Beanie Boos are super cute. Last year I got Sophie Carrots the Bunny and Mason Spells the Snowy Owl.

If you have an artist or crafter, I recommend getting them a set of watercolors with a pad of watercolor paper, or a coloring book with a pack of crayons. You could also include the egg-shaped sidewalk chalk and some Mandela stencils. A journal or notebook would be ideal for the budding writer or even those just learning to spell. If you have a teen scrapbooker, I recommend a Smashbook for them to collect memorabilia, stories, and whatever they want from their school year or summer vacation.

For some family fun, you can include card games like Slamwich, Go Fish, or Uno. Other games such as Jenga, Boggle, or Spot It are also good choices and still small enough to fit into the basket. Anything that encourages family togetherness is top notch in my opinion and this is a good way to increase your inventory for family game night.

I hope these ideas gave you some starting off points while at the same time proving that you don't need to stuff your kids full of candy and junk to have a happy, fun, and memorable Easter.

Scratch Test

Last thursday, August 2nd, was our appointment with the allergist. I am not entirely sure what I was expecting, but I was really not prepared for what transpired. *Disclaimer: I want to point out that this was our experience, and that each individual experience is unique to your/their personality, medical history, and circumstances. Always consult, and take the advice of your pediatrician. If you are new to food allergies, as I am, and are about to go through the necessary step of testing, I hope that by reading this, knowing the details of what someone else has gone through, you will be better prepared for your first visit; because I wish I had been able to read about what to expect, in detail, before taking our daughter. That said, below is a detailed account of our appointment with the allergist.

The appointment started off just like any other, getting her usual measurements and vital signs. Sophie was in good spirits, in fact we were all smiling and laughing. Once the allergist came in, we talked a brief medical history and gave the story of how we came to be here that day. He gave her a quick check (looking at her ears, eyes, and throat) before explaining his thoughts and what he would be testing her for today; the usual culprits in food like tree nuts, shellfish, peanuts, egg, wheat, soy, etc. and inhalants such as: cats and dogs. He had a suspicion that she is allergic to eggs and that is what has been causing her horrible eczema. Fred and I just stared at each other, eyes wide, each hoping beyond hope that he was wrong. A peanut allergy we could handle, that is fairly easy to avoid, but an allergy to egg; this would be more difficult.

As we waited for the nurse to arrive and do the testing, Mason played on his LeapPad while Sophie listened to me read the ballet Strawberry Shortcake book. When it came time, the nurse explained the importance of keeping her still during this entire process. They do not use needles, but rather sharp plastic sticks to prick the skin. Sophie was laughing as the nurse drew circles on her back, indicating the different panels. She must have had close to 30 dots on her back, and as the nurse began to prick Sophie's skin, my heart went out to my little girl. She managed to get out an audible, "Ow", before all out screaming and trying to get out of Fred's grasp as he struggled to keep her still. I tried singing to her, anything to distract her, as the test went on, prick after prick. It didn't take as long as you would think, but when your daughter is screaming so bad that her brother is almost in tears and trying his best to tune her out, it feels like eternity. She was crying and saying she was scared and I did my best to choke back the few tears that began to well up. I will not cry today, I told myself. It was finally over and for the next 15 minutes we had the challenge of keeping her from scratching or messing up the marks on her back; which doesn't seem like such a difficult feat, but a screaming 39lb. three year old, whose back is now itching with all the fervor of an annoying mosquito bite, is a lot stronger than you think. I was glad Fred came to this appointment, as I would not have been able to keep her under control. I had to assist a few times when she got loose and stood up on his legs. He held tight to her arms as I sat her back down, holding her legs, careful not to touch her back. She kept yelling, "let go of me! Let go of my arms!" I felt bad for holding her prisoner in this state, but I knew this test was needed, as it was an important piece to the puzzle. Whatever we found out today would get us one step closer to being able to effectively manage her food allergy, ultimately keeping her healthy and alive.

We still had 13 minutes to go. Those 15 minutes felt like an eternity, as we struggled to calm her down. I tried playing her favorite My Little Pony episode on my iPhone; she was not interested. She wanted out of daddy's grasp and to scratch her back. Totally understandable. Mason was begging us to get her to stop screaming. We were trying as best we could. In assisting to hold her still, I was face to face with her back, and had the perfect view as the reactions developed. There was a significant welt appearing, and I prayed it wasn't egg. As hard as we were trying, it wasn't until Mason, who I'm sure was at his own wits end, came over with his LeapPad, to show Sophie his game, that she finally began to calm down. Proof, yet again, that they share a special bond. It was then that the nurse and doctor came back in, went over the results, and measured the welts that appeared. The test showed positive for peanut (that was the huge welt) and cashews. So we were advised strict avoidance of peanuts and ALL tree nuts. Other positive reactions showed up for cats and dogs. Not surprising, as Fred is allergic to both and Mason is allergic to dogs. At least these are not life threatening and can be managed with a dose of Benadryl before going to a house with pets. The doctor said there was a very minor reaction to egg, I didn't see it, and even though he did not diagnosis it as an allergy he is having us put her on an exclusion diet for the next 4-6 weeks. The goal is to find out if the egg is indeed causing her eczema. So if her eczema improves after eliminating it from her diet, than we keep the egg removed. If there is no change, than she can eat egg again. This means we need to avoid all foods that have egg, and let me tell you just about everything we eat has egg in it. As much as I hate to see her in pain with the eczema, I am hoping for no change. Does that make me a horrible mom? At least there is some relief in knowing that if she is allergic to egg it is not life threatening. So I won't have to freak out so much if she comes into contact with this food. The worst reaction will be an eczema break out; been there done that for the last 3 years.

I had a list of questions for the allergist that, of course, I didn't get a chance to go over; only one or two got answered. But, at least we now have a better idea of what she is allergic to and have gone about adjusting our lives to account for them. These last few days have been spent running around; getting school medical forms filled out, signed, and turned in on time; and making our home (snacks and meals) Sophie friendly. I have been posting cheat sheets all over the house and in my purse to help me with the process, and doing my best to educate family and friends. I am trying desperately to get as organized as possible before the school year begins in three weeks and find that I am feeling frantically unprepared. I thought I had it all in the bag until this food allergy through me for a loop. Now I am not so sure I am prepared for it all.

A Mother's broken promise

July 18th, 2012

"Emelina scraped toast corners into a blue enamel pail and ran a sinkful of water. 'I don't think I could stand to let Mason go off to Kindergarten next year if it wasn't for the baby. It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.'"

--excerpt from Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver

From the moment I became pregnant, I made a promise to protect each of my children with every fiber of my being until the day I die. Feeling another human being growing inside of me; I can't explain how that feels, but it changes you. There is a special bond that connects us to our children, a love unlike any other. As a stay at home mom I have devoted my everyday to making sure my children get the best possible life. This includes: feeding them the right foods so they grow, teaching them the right things so they learn, playing with them so they have fun, and always, always keeping them as safe as I possibly can. Just as I promised them I would.

So when you fail to keep that promise you made to your children, it is the worst day of your life. You realize you are vulnerable, you are not Super Woman, and you don't have it all together. You do the best you can, but you will not be able to protect them from everything. It's a hard pill to swallow. Today I had to swallow that pill. After all the stuff we've had to deal with over the last few years you'd think we were done and get some reprieve. We would not be so lucky.

Today started off, just like any other. The kids watching t.v, me hoping to get a few more moments of much needed sleep, willing myself to not get another migraine. Late in the morning I paid some bills, took a shower, and made plans to take my car in for emissions testing after we ate lunch. As always, I asked the kids their preference. Mason asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It had been a while and I happily agreed it was a good idea. A simple and easy lunch as I was determined to get the day started. Realizing Sophie was now three, and could be given peanut butter, I made her one as well. At first she looked at it in the jar and was like, "ew, that's gross. I don't like that." But after cutting it into small star shapes she took her first bite and happily announced, "it's delicious! I like it!" And before I knew it she had devoured the rest, just like that.

A few minutes later she had to go potty and I rushed with her into the bathroom. As she sat there she started coughing and acting funny. "I choke Mommy," she told me. That usually means she's going to throw up. Then she started scratching at her neck and face and rubbing her eyes. I noticed the slight hint of a rash and my concern began to grow. Crap! Could she be allergic? Oh God, I hope not.

Me: "Are you feeling OK, Sweetie?"

Sophie: "I sick. I need to go to doctor."

Me: "You're sick? Like your stomach?" She had eaten three boxes of raisins earlier and I was thinking the horrible poop was on its way.

Sophie: "My heart."

Me: "Your heart?"

Sophie: "My heart," she repeats as she touches her chest.

Me: "Your heart, is it beating fast?"

Sophie: "Yes!" She is clearly upset now.

I try to check her heart, to find out if it is really beating fast; but I can't tell. She is looking kind of pale. I take her off the potty and run to get the phone. I call our pediatricians office, and after a few excruciating moments I talk with a nurse. Sophie is starting to act sleepy at this point and still itching--all over. It is determined that I should skip coming to see them and go straight to the ER, just to be safe. I'm not completely concerned at this point as she is breathing fine, no massive rash showing up all over her body, and no throwing up; she is just irritated and tired. Always erring on the side of caution, I do as I was instructed. I run downstairs to tell Fred what is happening, leave Mason at home with him and make the 10 minute trip up the road to the hospital; thankful we live so close.

Sophie looks like she might be trying to fall asleep. I urge her to stay awake. Despite this, she walks into the ER on her own accord; holding my hand, her baby bear and blankey in tow. And just like all the other times, she seemed to be pretty much fine by the time we enter the lobby. She was asking about stickers and toys as we made our way to the sign-in window. I had just finished filling out the form when I heard Sophie call my name and proceed to puke ALL OVER THE HALLWAY. Nothing was safe; her blankey, baby bear, my purse, our shoes, clothes, and anyone within our vicinity was covered in purple and brown vomit. I stood there trying to calm my daughter down, unsure of anything else to do, while she acted out a scene from the Exorcist. I see a puke pan on the counter and grabbed it just before a nurse came out with a bucket, ushering us out of the waiting room and into the Pediatric Emergency Department. I carried Sophia as fast as I could, listening to her attempts to grasp for air in between moments of vomiting. The next two hours will be the most chaotic, stressful, and horrifying moments of my life.

Immediately, there were 4 people in the room all doing something. Orders were being yelled, Sophie was crying, and then screaming, and then puking some more. The doctor ordered a shot of epinephrine, Benadryl, and a steroid. She confirmed Sophie's throat was closing and pointed out the now massive rash that covered her chin and throat. I felt the tears well up. I was doing my best to stay calm as things were being done but not exactly explained. I knew they were all there to help. The nurses struggled to get in the IV. Sophia was scared and her body, fighting off the allergy, were all causing her veins to constrict. They tried twice in one hand and then twice in the other before finally getting it in. Sophie's screams were more than my emotionally fragile state could handle. It was a sound a mother should never have to hear. Having to endure the fear and pain my daughter was experiencing, the room suddenly became like a sauna and I felt faint. I should have eaten lunch. I knew my vaso vagel was kicking in. It was the stress, the worry, and a lack of blood sugar in my body. In the midst of all this chaos, a nurse found the time to grab me a sandwich, juice, and a chair. I sat there holding Sophie's hand, unable to hold back my tears; the guilt overwhelming. I was the one who agreed to the peanut butter. I was the one who decided it was OK for Sophie to have. I was the one who fed it to her. How could I not feel guilty? I gave my child, my sweet, innocent little girl, food that ended up being almost fatal.

I've had many trips to the ER with both my children, and have always managed to remain calm and never cried. It must have been the knowledge that my daughter was experiencing full-blown anaphylaxis, or perhaps it was the knowledge of my best friend, who having gone into anaphylactic shock after eating a piece of candy, died from her peanut allergy in this very hospital almost 13 years ago to the date. She was only 20 years old. Possibly it was both, along with my guilt, that shook me to my core. The tears flowed and I tried to fight them back. I tried so hard to not show Sophie I was scared; to be that rock, that calm I know she so desperately needed in that moment. Holding her precious little hand in mine, all I could say through my sobs was, "I am so sorry, sweetie. I am so sorry." I kept repeating it, in between kisses, hoping she might turn to me and tell me it was OK; that she wasn't mad at me and that I was still a good Mom. She never did. She just kept screaming. It went on for at least and hour and a half. By the time she had finally calmed down, showing signs of the medicine kicking in and her health improving, it was mid afternoon and we were both exhausted.

As she slept on me, my thoughts drifted back to my friend. I wondered if this was what she went through in the moments before she left this world. How scared she must have been, the pain she must have felt. The tears welled up again and I quickly brushed them away; willing myself to think of anything else. Sophia slept on me for about 45 minutes, until Fred and Mason arrived. By 3:30pm she was feeling better. The doctor came by for a quick check. Sophie's vitals were normal, no more air restriction and the rash was gone; however, she needed to stay one more hour for observation to make sure her reaction didn't flare up again. By 4:30pm we were all restless and ready to go home. At this point, Sophie was playing with Mason and even laughing. It was like she was a whole new child. She had her spunk, her attitude, and her smile back. I even allowed myself to smile. Four hours after we arrived, she was finally discharged and we could all go home.

Within 24 hours of the whole ordeal, I sat down and wrote story you just ready above; my emotions still raw, but I knew I needed to get it out. In the days that followed I did the best I could to show a brave face while inside I was falling apart. When I could no longer keep it together, I hid in the pantry and sobbed. Terrified, overwhelmed, and feeling all alone I struggled with thoughts of where to start. When it came down to it I really knew nothing about food allergies. Then I remembered that I really wasn't alone, and reached out to those I knew with kids who suffered from food allergies. I have spent the last week immersing myself in websites, blogs and online support groups learning as much as I can about peanut allergies. I want to be as informed as possible, so I could then educate my daughter, our family, and our friends. This is our first and foremost line of defense. We cannot effectively protect her if we do not know how. As it turns out, I was right; I knew nothing.

This is a major lifestyle change for us and I would be lying if I said it was going to be easy. I now carry an Epi Pen with me wherever we go, another one stays at our house, while yet two more are slated for my parents home, and Sophie's preschool. We have been advised to avoid not only peanuts, but also tree nuts until we can get her tested by an allergist. My biggest fear is not that we can no longer have peanut butter. Yes, it sucks. I love me some PB&J and Mason's favorite was PB and Fluff. However, its not like we ate them on a daily basis. Quite the contrary. PB was almost like a treat in the house, something we only ate every so often. Mac n Cheese, Chicken Nuggets, and such are more of a staple in our house. Besides, I don't like foods with nuts it them anyway. I've never been a huge fan, so that part is not a big deal. At least for me. Fred, well he likes himself some nuts (I mean he lives with us right?). Seriously though, he loves nuts. Still, we rarely have a can of nuts, or a bag of peanuts in our house. Again, a non issue. Done. No nuts. We're over it. Move on. Except that's not all of it. What terrifies me the most are all those foods out there with the hidden danger. The ones that have possibly been exposed or might have traces of peanuts in them. Foods that would never have crossed my mind as being life threatening to my child. It is astounding the number of foods we have eaten on a regular basis that have "manufactured in a facility,"or "manufactured on equipment" that also process peanuts written in the nutrition section. Something I never noticed, or rather never even attempted to look for because there wasn't a need. These are all now on the don't even think about it, no seriously just forget you even knew this food existed list. No more chocolate chip pancakes; no more M&M's with our popcorn on movie nights; no more going out for ice cream or frozen yogurt; no more Twix for me, Snickers for Fred, or any candy bar for that matter (I can Halloween is going to be a hurdle); no more running up the road to Harvest Bread Co. for their delicious homemade breads and rolls; no more cake or cupcakes from the bakery (birthday parties are going to be a bitch); no more cookies from the snack bar, or treats from the sample booth; and good lord, going to a restaurant now puts me in a panic. And when I think of how the kids get excited for haircuts just so they can get their packaged cookies from Ms. Holly it breaks my heart, because they can't have that anymore. The threat of cross-contamintion on any single food is extremely real and down right terrifying. Even those who mean well and try to make nut-free cookies, treats, or other foods for my child could potentially be putting her life at risk if they didn't properly wash their equipment, hands, utensils, and surrounding area. How can this not be a parent's worst nightmare?

Right now we are waiting for her appointment with the Allergist to arrive and crossing my fingers we have no more allergic reactions between now and then (and well never again. But I figured that was a given). In the days and weeks to come I am hoping to have the answers to my questions and at least some of my fear subsided before Sophia starts school in the fall. At least I have the small comfort of knowing her preschool is a nut-free facility and that allergy notices are posted in the classroom as well as the kitchen. Yet still, I freeze in fear at the thought of her not being under my supervision, or rather at the mercy of others, for three hours every day. As if I wasn't already the neurotic, paranoid Mom about ticks and Lyme Disease, a peanut allergy HAD to be thrown in the mix. How am I going to get through this? How am I going to not freak out and worry every second of the day that she is not in my presence? I was so excited and ready for her to go off to school, to spend that time away from me, and now I can't find the strength to let her go. Does it get easier? Will I always worry? Am I going to become that Helicopter Mom my husband warns me I am turning into? Will I die of a heart attack, or ulcer from worry before she comes close to ever having a reaction again?

I suppose the answers to those questions will come in time. For now, I am going to pour myself a glass of wine, sit down with my favorite TV show, and will myself to relax. If only for a few fleeting moments. Stay tuned for more posts about this peanut allergy as we navigate our way through this challenging diagnosis.