100 days

February 10th, last Friday, was the 100th day of school. Mason's Preschool celebrates buy putting up this big 100 in the front entrance for the kids to walk though. They love it.

I can't believe 100 days of school have come and gone. This year has flown by faster than the last. What is even more astounding is the fact that we are awaiting the letter of acceptance for Sophie into Preschool. My youngest is going to Preschool in like six months, and that means Mason is going to be in Kindergarten. Holy Crap! I feel like that line in John Lennon's Beautiful Boy, "Life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans." Tell me about it John.

But, I'm not ready yet

Mason is having his first drop-off play date tomorrow and I am having a minor, ok, Major panic attack over it.

Mason has had a bunch of play dates over the years, and even a few with new families we have met through preschool. They have always been with me present, mostly because me and the other Mom want to chat and get to know one another. But seriously, I have never had a Mom ask me to drop off my child at their house. Until now. And well actually, she never really asked, but more assumed.

For about a week we had been playing phone tag in trying to set up a play date with our sons. Finally we met up at a school function. This was where she said, "so do you want me to just take him to my house after school or would you prefer to drop him off?" I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped to the floor and my eyes bugged out. I felt blindsided as I struggled to regain my composure. We had already agreed to the play date and even though I am not at all ready to let my son run off without me, how could I back out now? I feel really uncomfortable sending my son to the home of someone I barely know. He is only five years old. I know most of the parents in Mason's class have multiple kids and the ones in his class are usually their second or third so they have been there and done that. But he is my first, my baby, and this is a HUGE step for me. I'm sure they are a wonderful family and from the brief moments I have talked with her, I've determined she is very nice. The fact remains, we've only had a few brief encounters, so I don't know her all that well yet. I don't know any of the parents in his class very well for that matter. At least not well enough to let my son go to their house alone.

Mason, of course, is thrilled about going to this house because he says they have Legos and he is really into building with Legos right now. I explained to him that I will not be there and it would be a long time without Mom (2 hours, and that was me cutting it down). Still he doesn't seem to be apprehensive about it at all. I seem to be the only one with reservations and suffering from fear, panic and worry. What if he gets hurt and I am not there? What if they allow him to do things that I find inappropriate? What do I do if their discipline methods are completely different than ours? Will she let them play outside unattended? What if he gets uncomfortable or upset or bored and wants to go home, will she call me and let me know? I told him that he should tell the Mom if he wants to leave and have her call me and I'll come pick him up but still, I have all these horrors running through my head. I've never been to their house, I've never seen my son and her son interact or play with one another, so I have no idea how well they get along. This is all so new and uncharted territory for me and for him. I have no idea what to expect, nor do I know what is the protocol in these situations.

I mentioned this on Mason's birthday, with all the parents wanting to drop off their 4 and 5 year old children at my house for his party, and this wasn't the first time I ran into this. At what age is it appropriate to expect other parents to watch our kids for two hours while we run off? Even more, is 5 too young for a drop off play date? Especially if you do not know them that well? I want my son to feel independent and confidence in not having me around but at the same time, he is only in preschool. I have such anxiety and feel so uncomfortable about the whole situation, yet I feel I can't insist I be there or back out for fear of being seen as rude or over protective. I'm almost trying to find any excuse, like bad behavior, to call up and cancel. Ahh! Please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way?

So how do I deal with this anxiety? I'm not sure. I could very well be that Mom who sits in her car for two hours, parked across the street.

Just like that

I tell you. I make plans, have great ideas and then just like that, it's almost a month before I get the chance to post to my blog again. Ugh. I feel like such a slacker.

Blame it on my inner overachiever who feels the need to be SuperMom at all times. If you remember, at the end of the school year, I became the Vice Chair for the Parent Connection Committee at Mason's preschool. Well, plans kinda changed a bit. So, um, yeah, now I have stepped up and become the Chairperson for the PCC instead. Gulp. Yeah I just had a minor panic attack too. It's a long story, but basically the PCC is struggling a lot with parent involvement this year and no one came forth interested in being the leader. I pretty much said, well I'm kinda doing it anyway, and so there you go.

I haven't exactly told Fred just yet. Mostly because of his less than enthusiastic and not so supportive response when I told him I wanted to be Vice Chair. Imagine how he would react if I said, "Honey. Guess what? I am now running the whole thing." Yeah that would not go over well. So I am kinda taking my time to ease him into this knowledge. That, and well, it's a hell of a lot of work.

I was not prepared to take on this role, so naturally I was not prepared for the responsibilities and duties that have all of a sudden slapped me hard in the face. I've only been in this role, in official capacity, for a week now. Mostly, I am trying to play catch up. I have been reading through the previous Chair's binder she put together. Getting myself familiar with how she ran things, what worked and what didn't. Studying up on her notes, past agendas and meeting minutes. Working hard to come up with a strategy or plan for how to make this year successful. I'm not gonna lie, its A LOT OF WORK and I find myself struggling with it all. I really don't want to admit this, but I think I might have bitten off a bit more than I could chew.

It's not like I was really keeping up with all my domestic duties as a SAHM anyway. I'll get into my opinion on domestic duties another day. As I was saying, I already wasn't keeping up with my massive laundry list of duties as it was, but now it's all gone to the wayside.

I haven't washed my floors in months. I know, disgusting isn't it? The only time I remember to do the laundry is when there is a lack of clothes to wear and by then the piles have gotten so huge it takes me two weeks just to get through it and by then it's piled up all over again. *sigh* I don't have a dinner plan and it's 5pm and Fred is super annoyed. My kids have watched way more television that I would normally allow, and eaten way more junk food than I am completely comfortable with them having, and whined far above my tolerance level due to boredom and wanting Mommy to pay attention to them. I feel so incredibly guilty. As if I haven't been feeling guilty enough since becoming a Mom. But, in turn, I need to have some time to get non-child related work done. Not just for school, even though we have three events that are coming up and no one to chair two of those committee's and a serious lack in parents stepping up to run stations at our Safety Day event at the end of the month, but to be able to have the time to nourish myself as well.

I joined the PCC, yes to help out with my son's school, but mostly to meet other Mom's. I felt so alone at the beginning of school last year. It was Mason's first year, I was new to the whole school thing. Unsure of what to expect, not really knowing anyone but one friend. I hated that disconnected feeling, especially when everyone around me seemed to be so in tune with one another. So I signed up for Room Parent and I met Nancy. I think I spent the most time with her than any other Mom at the school, between planning classroom events and chit chatting about life in carpool line. I got to know the other parents in the classroom and play dates were made as well as friendships. I then signed on to co-chair the Art to Remember event. I met Aimee, who's children swim on my neighborhood swim team and got a background of the school from one whose children have attended for nearly 10 years. I got to know the teachers and some staff where we would exchange hello's and how is you daughter in the hallway. One day, I ran into a fellow PCC member at Wegmans, than another one at Target, and then waves started exchanging in carpool line and I no longer felt alone. I felt part of a community and that was really the point.

I want to take my experience and bring it to the Parent Connection Committee this year. The whole idea is to connect. To enlighten parents on how the PCC makes school life better. I know we all have felt at some point in our lives as if we were alone, but we really aren't and we shouldn't have to feel this way. There is whole community out there waiting for you! As our children attend school, developing their minds, they are also establishing friendships, so why shouldn't we?

That said, I am struggling with the business side of it all, sitting here putting together my own agenda as I prepare for our first official social meeting of the year. I almost already feel like a failure, having not established committee heads for the majority of our events/fundraisers. Nor do we have the officer positions fully staffed. Psst, I am going to let you in on a little secret. I don't like talking in front of groups of people, it makes me so uncomfortable and self conscious. I too, shy away from leadership roles for lack of confidence in myself that I know enough to hold such a high power position and do it effectively, because I am not much of a confrontational person. My personality is anything but tough and I'm not sure I could be stern enough to someone when they aren't getting the job done. However, I hosted an extremely successful Room Parent Coffee Talk forum last week, where I discussed the role and responsibilities of the Room Parent and shared a few tips and tricks that I learned from being a Room Parent myself. There were many new parents and I had more than a few come up to me afterwards and thank me. I admit, it felt really good. My ego was boosted a little bit and I had some more confidence in myself that I might actually be able to pull this whole thing off.

So after that long explanation, what I was really trying to say is that if you don't see me posting as often, it's because I'm either desperately trying to catch up on laundry, planning the latest party for my son's classroom, actively getting parents involved, or just spending time with my kids.

And speaking of parties, I have a 5 year old Transformers birthday party to plan. *bangs her head on the table* Yeah, I'll get on that one first thing in the morning.

I never knew...

When we first signed Mason up for preschool I had a whole different idea of how I figured things would be as opposed to how they have turned out. Here are just a few of the things I never knew before becoming a mother of a preschooler:

I never knew that sending my son to preschool would make me want to go back. What fun, creative things they do each day and how exciting the teacher makes each lesson.

I never knew that three hours is really not enough time to get anything worth while done.

I never knew that I'd be twice as busy.

I never knew that signing on for room parent duties would put me in the role of leader, or that I'd feel so overwhelmed with the work. Taking on more than I could handle once you added on volunteering with the Parent Connection Committee. Note to self: you don't have to be supermom. Your kids will know you love and support them. Next year, room parent is enough.

I never knew I'd be so nervous at picture time and then anxiously awaiting their return, only to be brought to tears at the grown up little man staring back at me.

I never knew I'd look forward to planning, preparing and bringing in snacks for his class.

I never knew that watching little 4 year olds parade in their halloween costumes would be the highlight of my day.

I never knew I'd be so scared of parent-teacher conferences.

I never knew I'd see my son write his name after only two months.

I never knew the excitement of Fridays and a red folder would bring. To see what new art project he brought home and proudly hang it in our family room.

I never knew the extra amount of laundry I'd have on my plate, due to finger paints, play doh and god knows what else coming home all over his shirts.

I never knew that during sharing time, when asked what they are thankful for; my son would say he is thankful for parks, cars and his teacher.

I never knew how much Fred would love this school.

I never knew the joy of going to pick up my son and seeing his smile as he runs into my arms. Or the happiness of my daughter having her big brother back home as she reaches across the car to hold his hand on the way home.

I never knew I'd be so surprised by the explosion of my sons imagination and creative play. Or my new found inspiration in being crafty at home with my kids.

Mostly, I never knew that preschool would be an opportunity for both Mason and I to learn, build confidence and independence and really, truly grow.

So, yeah, that's where I've been this past month. Up to my eyeballs in preschool. Writing and sending emails. Going to meetings, taking notes, checking the yahoo group. Remembering fundraisers, soccer class on wednesdays and classroom events. Dropping off and picking up. Having family visit and preparing for holidays. Having our deck rebuilt and screened in. Coordinating teacher gifts, pot luck feasts, running endless errands and attending birthday party after birthday party.

Phew! I'm tired just reading that. How about you?

Mason hasn't had a proper "grandma sunday" in over two months and we haven't had a weekend to just sit and breathe. Not to mention the state of domesticity. The house is a mess, the laundry impossible to keep up and the fridge looking a bit empty. Getting some "me time" has gotten more difficult and things like my blog, facebook and twitter have gotten neglected. Everyday it is one more thing on the list and one more minute of me trying to hold it all together and not be a raving lunatic. But then, I take a step back and think; it's all just a part of the next step in motherhood.

New Beginnings

With the first week of school now under our belt, I can look back upon the myriad of emotions and thoughts I experienced leading up to this moment that has turned me into a parent of a preschooler. I am officially the mother of a preschooler. Yeah, it still doesn't feel normal for me to make that statement. It seemed like just yesterday he was my baby boy, learning to walk and uttering simple phrases. Today he is strapping on his backpack and excitedly thinking about what he might do during his time at school. But, for sure this is our life.

We had previously met his teacher two weeks earlier during a scheduled home visit. This is something I love about this school. Taking the time and making the extra effort to meet each student individually before the start of the school year. It really helped put some of my anxiety and fears to rest and I think for Mason as well. To have that chance to get acquainted with his teacher in a comfortable, familiar setting. So things aren't totally new the moment he walked in the first day. They discussed cars and our impending trip to the beach. His class are the Zebras, so she brought him a mask to color and then took his picture with it on. Gave him an assignment to decorate a place mat to bring in on his first day and generally left us all with a good feeling and high hopes for the year. We liked her.

Tuesday morning arrived all too early. In reality it was 7am and I'm sure most people would have been up for a few hours already. Woke up the kids, served breakfast, got everyone ready and headed out the door. I thought I'd be a ball of nerves this first day, ending with me in tears as I drove off without him. Having been through orientation the previous day I felt pretty confident things would be O.K.

We toured his classroom, found the picture his teacher took during the home visit, handed in his place mat full of everything he likes including photos of all of us. Even his teacher was impressed with his work. She was also impressed with Mason's brilliant memory when he commented to her, "I didn't see your car. The red Toyota corolla." That was because she parked somewhere else. Oh he makes me proud sometimes, that smart son of mine.

It ended with the parents heading out to the playground pavilion to be welcomed into the 2010-2011 school year and regaled with the schools awesome achievements, while Mason and his classmates spent some time with their teacher. I was pleasantly surprised and quite relieved when his teacher told us he did great.

I can't say that I didn't feel a little twinge or have some tears creep up as I watched my almost four year old, without fear or trepidation, walk hand in hand with the administrator and disappear into the school. Instead, I drove away feeling optimistic and grateful for holding it together in front of Mason. Eyes still dry, I rewarded myself with a Pumpkin Spice Latte and spent the rest of the morning catching up with an old friend and taking a much needed shower.

It was definitely a different dynamic in the house with Mason gone. A slower pace and A LOT quieter. Though I found my mind wandering to questions of how he was adapting to his new environment. Did he miss me? Is he playing well with his classmates? Is he following directions? Is he happy? Is he making friends? When I pick him up will he tell me he had fun and likes school? I didn't have to wait long for my answers.

Three hours isn't much time in the grand scheme and before I knew it I was in the car headed back to car pool. Highly anticipating what I would find. I wasn't excited about the massive line of cars that stretched out into the street (especially compared to the fast drop off that morning). However, finding Mason amongst the crowd of kids was well worth that wait. And seriously, I almost lost it for real. Feeling the tears well up and the cry rise up into my throat, sitting there in the car pool line waiting my turn, watching my son holding and swinging hands with his teacher. It was the pride I felt, for my son, for myself as his mother, knowing how much he has changed in just a short amount of time. Thinking, how grown up he looks with back pack on.

He never ceases to amaze me, this little man of mine. How well he adapts to situations I panic over and how calm and easy he finds solutions to everything. The rest of the week I parked my car and walked up to his school to get him. Per his request, but after the long line I sat in the first day, I was happy to do it. And the big running hug (usually reserved for daddy) I was guaranteed, yeah I really enjoy that.

Tomorrow night is Back to School night and I really can't wait to hear all about the things they do in class, see things Mason has created and hear how well he is performing. Now matter what I hear tomorrow though, it can't beat the sweet little voice tell me when I ask, "Did you have a good time at school today?"

"I have a good time every day, mommy." Yeah I think we made the right choice.

1. Standing in front of the school sign, 2. Orientation Day, 3. Reading his name tag, 4. Walking to class with daddy, 5. hanging up backpack on his very own hook, 6. pointing out his name for attendance, 7. Discovering the rice box, 8. His classroom, 9. The helping hands and weather board -he is the door holder, 10. showing us the potty, 11. Pose with Mommy before leaving, 12. ready for school, 13. Pose with little sister on first day, 14. Car pool, 15. Waiting in carpool for drop off, 16. drop off, 17. My brave big boy headed off to first day of preschool, 18. Pick up, 19. Walk up pick up, 20. Waiting to be picked up, 21. He caught my eye, 22. after the running hug, walking back to the car, 23. getting in the car, 24. end of week one

What's the newest hip jargon now? Oh yeah, Epic Fail.

So I just have to say that being the newest member to the mothers of preschoolers club really sucks. This is brand new territory for which I am not prepared. And after my performance so far, I wouldn't be surprised if I got kicked out of the club.

At the beginning of the month we received the welcome packet for the 2010-2011 school year. In said packet was a wealth of information from carpool guidelines to his class schedule, as well as a letter regarding parent involvement committees. I read everything, noting important dates on the calendar such as; orientation, first day of school, back to school and the PCC social. Apparently I didn't pay attention to dates enough.

I received an email from Mason's school on Thursday reminding me that the information sheet and Health forms were due back to the school on August 20th. Augsust 2oth? That is....oh crap. That's tomorrow. So what do I do? Dash to the library where important papers are kept and realize that I do not have his health form filled out or signed by his doctor. At this point I am banging my head against the table, wall, computer, really any object I can find hoping that maybe it will miraculously knock not only some intelligence back into my brain but also help me come up with some solution to this now looming problem.

Do I call our pediatrician at his house tonight and beg him to sign the papers? No, that would be rude and a violation of our friendship with his family. I'll just call the office tomorrow and cross my fingers that can fit us in to their schedule to sign.

On the phone in the morning, the receptionist sounded promising that if I got in ASAP that it would be able to be signed. So hop in the car and dash down the street to our PED's office and drop of the form. However the receptionist I came into contact with there seemed to give me the look of; seriously, you're that mom?, when I mentioned that the form was due today, and then subsequently informed me that she didn't think it'd be ready. I just wanted to look back at her and say sarcastically; yeah, I'm that mom, who in the midst of raising my two children while simultaneously running a household is overworked and tends to overlook things at times. Dude this stuff happens, you can't tell me I'm the first mother in history to rush into this office last minute begging to have a medical form signed for school.

Luckily I have an awesome pediatrician and got a phone call two hours later letting me know it was signed. Back in the car, pick up the papers while expressing my gratitude, race over to Mason's school and hand in the paperwork. ON TIME. And really the admin at the desk didn't even blink when she saw me come in, paperwork in hand. She just looked it over to make sure everything was done and thanked me kindly. Yeah, I knew I wasn't the only parent to have a massive brain fart over necessary forms due throughout the school year. Still I walked away thinking, perfect first impression Rachel. That will really win you a spot on the PCC committee. Cause every parent/teacher group is looking for a member who procrastinates, turning in EVERYTHING last minute.

*Sigh*

Now I'm thinking of a better system and more visible place for all of the preschool "stuff" that will be sure to multiply over the school year. Cause if I don't get my ass in gear, this is going to be one LONG first year of school.