Potty Wars Revisited

In February, we made the ultimate decision to start potty training Sophie. Two years after finally getting Mason potty trained, here we are again. Hoping for the same, if not better results.

It was a Friday. I wasn't 100% ready, but we were just about out of diapers and I wanted to start the day with pull-ups rather than switch partway through the day. I kept a journal of dates, times and details of our day to day activities in addition to when and where, and how often she used the potty. Whether she peed in her pull-up or in the potty, I wrote it down. Here is a peek into the first week of our attempt to start this whole process over again.

Day one:

Not very successful today. Ate breakfast, dropped Mason off at school, arrived at Target and had her sit on the potty. She was scared at first but then I sang some songs and we played I-spy. But nothing. We did some shopping, about 30 min. later she pooped in her pull-up. Came home, packed lunch, picked up Mason from school and headed out to a play date. I couldn't get Sophie to stop a moment to sit on the potty again. By the time we sat down for lunch, she already peed. The rest of the day went like this with absolutely no success, and what appeared to be a complete lack in interest.

Day two:

Fred gets up with the kids. When I get up I have Sophie sit on the potty. Again, she is less than enthusiastic. We sit there for about 20min. reading books and playing with toys, but nothing. A few minutes later she asks to sit on the potty but I discover she already peed in her pull-up. About two hours later we have success in the little Baby Bjorn potty! Only moments later to find she peed in her pull-up. She continues this until after her nap, when she manages to pee in the little potty again. Then again in the little potty an hour later. Off and on success the rest of the day.

Day three:

Managed to stay dry till lunch. Stayed dry through her entire nap. When she awoke, sat her on potty and she peed. Yes!

Day four:

It's been a huge battle just to get her to sit on the potty, much less actually urinate in it. I find myself getting frustrated and yelling at her which I know is not helping and in reality gets me the exact opposite results.

Day five:

Started a new strategy. Set timer for 30 min. intervals, having her sit on the potty for 5-10min. each time. But we seem to just miss the mark by a few seconds, every time. It becomes apparent that she prefers the little potty. Maybe it's that she can do it all herself, or that she can conveniently watch her shows while sitting there. Whatever the reason, she is more comfortable using the little potty. While I fear this is adding one more step to the potty training process, I'll do whatever it takes to get her to be successful.

Day six:

She starts to recognize when she poops by telling me just after she does it. A good sign, and a hopeful step forward.

Day seven:

No success.

Day eight:

Today I notice something interesting. After feeling so frustrated about her being disinterested in sitting on the potty, I struggle to stay positive. The September deadline is looming ahead of me and I am having similar feelings of fear in not having my child potty trained in time for preschool. All she wants to do is play and refuses to listen to my pleas for her to just sit on the potty. I will put on My Little Pony for you to watch, just please sit on the potty. She is too focused on play and now won't even stop to put her pull-up back on. At my wits end, I finally just gave up and let her sit, naked, on the floor playing. After a while she jumps up saying, "I pee pee in the potty," and runs to sit on her little potty. Sure enough, she does. Aha. Maybe she does understand that feeling after all.

I eventually stopped recording, in detail, our potty training attempts. I thought, if I could record when she peed and pooped, I could figure out a schedule and then try to time her sitting on the potty at those times in order to get success. That plan didn't work out so well. I was doing everything like I had before. I have been encouraging, having her watch Elmo's Potty Time over and over, reading books about going potty, instituting the earning of stones (1 for peeing, 2 for pooping in the potty. Once she reaches 10 she gets to pick from the earning bin.), even showing over the top excitement when she is successful, and downplaying when not. After day eight, I was telling myself that she was getting it, but then days went by where it was a fight just to talk about sitting on the potty. Sophie and I were both hitting our limits. Potty training was becoming one huge power struggle and I didn't want to turn this whole experience into something negative. Forcing her to sit on the potty was not going to get the results I so desperately desired. So she came out victorious most of the time and I began questioning if we made the right call. Maybe she just wasn't ready?

I could swear it wasn't this hard with Mason. Whoever said potty training girls was easier, never met my daughter.

Potty Wars Part 4

Day one

Knowing that there would be accidents and messes to clean up I headed to Walmart the day before to buy the cheapest pairs of under ware I could find. Because if I had to throw them away it wouldn't matter. They were so cheap. This first day didn't go so well. The nastiest poop in his pants and pee on the carpet. There was accident after accident, mess after mess for me to clean up and load after load of laundry to do. I knew it was the first day so I tried not to get so down but I wasn't feeling hopeful.

Day two

A repeat of the previous day. More accidents, more messes. Even with setting the kitchen timer for 30 minute intervals. Having him sit on the potty. Hoping he'd get the concept. We practice and have to pee throughout the day not just once. We even re-instituted the reward of M&M's for peeing in the potty. Still It didn't seem to be working. But we kept with it.

Day three

We had to venture out of the house for soccer class and I was terrified but armed with a zip lock bag consisting of two pairs of pants, three pairs of under ware and one shirt. Determined that I was going to get this right somehow. Grabbed the timeout timer and put it in my sweat shirt before we headed out the door. But we didn't make it that far. Just before leaving Mason grabs himself and looks at me, eyes wide. "Do you have to pee pee?" I asked. And he stood there looking right into my eyes and lied to me. "No," he said while standing in the living room and peeing his pants. Ugh! Though we managed to get through our outing without an accident. The rest of the day was the same as before. When asked he says he doesn't care that his pants are wet or poopy and it shows in his attitude. Accident occurs, he just changes his under ware and continues on as if nothing happened. Meanwhile I'm left confused and frustrated. Unsure if he really doesn't understand the feeling of having to pee or if he does and is doing this to be defiant because he knows it gets our attention. Either way it's upsetting because how do you teach that feeling?

Day four

After three days we finally saw a glimmer of success today. Mason had a small accident this morning but managed to stay dry and clean the rest of the day. He even informed us three times that had to go potty. He even kept his pants dry during his nap. ALL THREE HOURS OF IT. It was a very exciting, proud day for all of us. Hope it can continue.

Day five

He spent the day with my Mom because it was Grandma Sunday. Despite the tiny accident he had at Wegmans, she said Mason stayed dry the whole day. Yes! Another success. She even said he told her he had to poops in the potty. And this is where I stop and think to myself. I can't believe I just wrote an entire blog about pee and poop. But this is what our lives become as parents. Conversations no longer consist of the office, motorcycle rides and out all night parties; but of timeout techniques, poop and all night feedings.

Day six

We are hitting the end of the crucial cold turkey week in this new potty training adventure. What a success today. Kept his pants dry all day. NOT ONE ACCIDENT. Even headed to the bathroom on his own. He finally gets it, I think. He gets the feeling and he goes. No waiting for mommy to tell him, no waiting for the timer to go off to sit on the potty. You get the urge, you go. And it's not just pee. It's poop as well. He is telling us each and every time. And getting his M&M's of course.

Day seven

No accidents again today. HALLELUJAH! I feel much more confident that he will be fully potty trained in time for preschool. It might be in part due to us calming down about his accidents and making a big deal about his successes. Or maybe it was the M&M's and the Disney character under pants I caved in and let him wear.

Whatever it was, he is growing up. And I am so incredibly proud of him. And I have to say that each and every time I look at him in those big boy pants I can't believe how much older he looks.

No longer my baby boy. Becoming my little man.

Potty Wars Part 3

A year later we are still on this journey. This time sucking, energy draining, emotional roller coaster called: Potty Training. To see the adventure from the beginning see my posts on it here and here. Oh how sure I was that he would be fully out of diapers/pull-ups by his third birthday and we'd be in the clear. It is never fun when you are utterly and completely wrong.

Things seemed hopeful and he was really starting to actually get it. He was so interested in being a big boy. Then the birth of Sophie loomed near, I got bigger with less energy and couldn't keep up with the schedule and maintenance it took to find full success. Sophie arrived and with her, the end of Mason's enthusiasm about the potty and being a big boy. I knew he'd regress, but getting back into the swing of things managed to be more difficult than expected.

We didn't go back to diapers, just kept him in pull-ups. Maybe I was hoping he'd miraculously just figure it out on his own. But as his third birthday arrived and he was not even close to peeing in the potty all the time or even recognizing the feeling, I felt hopeless. A failure. If I couldn't get my son to pee in the potty how could I be a successful mother? I know that statement seems a bit over the top and a bit dramatic but I'm sure I'm not the first mother to have that thought creep into her mind over the million of years we've been procreating as humans. And surely I won't be the last.

In full swing of adjusting to a family of four, Twenty Ten arrived and with it the realization that Mason will be attending preschool in the fall and we need to look at schools NOW. Open houses, online searches and talking with other parents it dawned on me that this potty training thing could be the biggest hang up of our lives. Mason cannot attend preschool at the age of 4 without being potty trained. AND WE WEREN'T EVEN CLOSE!! OMG!! Full on panic mode commences. Much to the reassurances by teachers, parents and friends that Mason will be potty trained eventually I wasn't feeling so optimistic.

Getting Mason to sit on the potty these days has become a struggle. He cries, screams, throws a fit and flat out refuses. I think it stems in part to the pressure he has been getting to be a big boy and pee in the potty, and in part to the lack of attention he has received since Sophie arrived. I'm sure it's hard to go from constant attention the only one your parents played with, to having to share their time, love and affection with someone else. It's also not easy with the pressure I have been feeling to get him potty trained. The stress to have it all done by September is overwhelming. And I'm not proud to admit it but I let all this pressure get to me and screamed, yelled and practically blew a gasket each time my son wouldn't sit on the potty. Maybe that is a slight exaggeration but you get the point. There was a lot of pressure to perform and show results fast and we were feeling it.

After many arguments, tears, concerns, frustrations and fears we let it all out and came to the tough conclusion that we would have to bite the bullet and put Mason is big boy under ware. It seemed this would be the only way for him to learn the feeling and get the point across. However after the first two days I wasn't so sure this was a great idea anymore.

Stay tuned for my post later in the week about how our first week of Potty Training turned out. Was it successful or a complete disaster?

Potty Wars Part 2

It has been a month since I started this whole potty training ordeal and while I find it hard to keep up with on some days (I am trying to grow another human being after all) I feel confident that we are making progress everyday. As a whole Mason goes pee in the potty about 85-90% of the time. This of course is if I remember to prompt him at the right moment and we make it to the bathroom before it comes out. Hence why we are not always successful. It takes a lot of mental awareness to remember that one or two hours ago he sat on the potty last and how many cups of juice/milk he's had since then and are we anywhere near a bathroom. Sorry to say I haven't honed in my supermom skills yet and don't always remember the schedule. I don't blame Mason, I realize he just isn't at the stage of development yet where he can physically identify the need to pee and then verbally tell me before it happens. He is only 27 months after all. Though he has developed the keen sense of actually doing the deed;

"Mommy! I'm pooping."

"You're pooping?"

"Yeah. I'm pooping. Back here," shoves his butt in my direction. "You gonna check?"

And he can identify it once it has already happened;

"Piston cups gone," referring to the designs that disappear on pull-ups when wet.

Yes we are using pull-ups. And before you go into the spiel that pull-ups are worthless, just diapers in disguise because they absorb too well, I have to say that this is one reason I like them. That and they are put on and off like real underwear so he gets the practice of pulling them down and up by himself. Anyway, I like that they are still absorbent so when I miss the schedule I don't have a huge mess to clean up. Unlike others, I don't want to have to clean up accidents. I'm sure with training pants or underwear he might get the idea faster once he's had a few accidents but we didn't spend 6 months renovating this house, installing brand new carpet and hardwood floors to have Mason pee and poop all over the place. We invested way too much money to ruin it all. Not to mention, I clean enough stuff around this house as it is. I don't have a cleaning service, it's all moi! So to add cleaning up urine and poop stains and added laundry to the mix is just unneeded additional stress. Remember I am 6 months pregnant.

Besides I'm not in an extreme hurry to have Mason trained. I know it will take a while. So to all those of you saying, "I can't believe you are potty training already. 2 years old is kinda early isn't it? Boys are slower at this and take longer to train. I waited till mine was 3 years old and he was trained in a weekend." Good for you. Doesn't mean that it will work best for us. I know boys are slower which is why I have not put us on some unrealistic schedule. Maybe if I had waited until he was 3 it would all be done faster. But why put all that pressure on both of us when this whole process is already pressure filled enough? Mason had been showing increasing interest and was even begging to sit on the potty since this summer. I wanted to wait at least until all the chaos of moving, remodeling, and vacations were over. But once they were, I felt I couldn't put it off any longer, I was running out of excuses. What's the harm in doing it now? He enjoys using the potty like mommy and daddy and especially loves the gummy bears and m&ms he is rewarded with when successful. I like the lesson in patience it is teaching me to have with my son. His body will eventually catch up with his determination. We have come a long way already, making good progress in just a month. What we will be able to accomplish in nine more. He might not be out of diapers by the time the baby arrives, but I am sure he will by the time his third birthday does.

Potty Wars Part 1

I was not graced with the gift of patience. Especially for situations I couldn't necessarily control. Something I continually work on since becoming a mom. This is probably not he most ideal trait to be lacking while trying to potty train a sensitive, highly dramatic 2 year old, but you work with what you got.

I read all the potty books. Even sat through the Elmo Potty video numerous times, trying not to feel embarrassed every time the kids yelled out, "doody" or "tinkle" on the dvd. I highlighted all the pointers and earmarked pages I knew I'd want to reference again. When I was satisfied I had the knowledge I needed, I devised my plan and after some procrastinating (because once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator) implemented said plan.

I think I should just accept the fact that things never turn out the way I expect, take a few deep breaths, count to 20 and move on.

......17,18,19,20.

So I failed miserably the first day. I half expected that he would at least have peed once in the potty. Instead I seemed to have just missed the window each time. Not sure where I am going wrong. He willingly sat for the 5 min. minimum as stated in the books (usually for 15min. or more). I entertained him with puzzles, books and videos. Each time the result was nada. Then he would end up peeing in his pull ups 2o min. later. The reason I know, is that I would smell the pee, or see that the images had faded (like the package said they would when wet). I asked if he peed, he'd say no, and I'd question if he felt the wet diaper. Either he enjoys sitting in wetness or he couldn't feel it. *sigh*

Back to square one. It was only the first day though, so not totally dismayed. In the hopes that there was a schedule developing, I wrote down all the times he peed in his pull ups. I will now aim to anticipate his potty needs based on these times tomorrow in the hopes of achieving even the smallest bit of success. Although in order to do this I must learn to curb my frustration because the more traumatic I make this for Mason the harder I make it on both of us to reach our goal.

Buckle up!! I'm in for a loooooong, bumpy ride. *help*