Friday, January 8, 2010

It happened...

The moment every mother dreads. Your child decides they don't like you.

After disciplining my son quite sternly, maybe a little bit more than I should have, crying and clearly upset he stood in front of me in the kitchen and said with all his three year old fury, "I don't like you mommy. I don't like you." It took everything I had to not break down in tears and fall apart right there in front of him. Instead I just looked at him, adjusted Sophie on my hip, took a deep breathe and walked away. Meanwhile my heart breaking into a million pieces.

I knew at some point he would utter these words to me after telling him he couldn't do something he really wanted to do or putting him in time out or some other discipline that makes me the most horrible mother in the world. However, I thought I still had at least a good 5 years left till then. Deep down I think I know he is only saying it because he is upset and mad at me and doesn't really mean what he says. But still it is the hardest thing to hear.

I now understand what I put my parents through growing up. When I would yell at them, screaming that I hated them. How much it must have hurt to hear that. How much strength it must have took to not retaliate with something just as harsh but to just sit there and take it. Having hope that I honestly still loved them despite my insensitive outburst of words and always holding love for me.

Just one more example of how becoming a mother (parent) has given me insight into the world of my own parents and allowed me to fully appreciate them.
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